IT'S TIME...FOR HOCKEYTIME™

 


Are YOU ready?

We have a kindred spirit...

The Stranger's Megan Seling loves hockey nearly as much as HTPC - recently she's been singing the praises of the newly established hockey bar the Angry Beaver, bemoaning the endless winning streak of the Blackhawks,  and slogging about her newest playlist of hockey songs...

It's great to see another voice championing our favorite under-appreciated sport out here in the hinterlands - so thanks, Megan!

HTPC

THE HOCKEYTIME™ PRIMER

HOCKEYTIME™ is now in its 9th stupendous year! Our numbers continue to grow, defying all predictions and expectations - last year we hit the 75-person attendance mark...Can we exceed it this year? With your help, we believe we can.

 
You are likely visiting this blog by virtue of being a current, former, or potential CRPE staffer, or a mate or ex or friend or relative of a CRPE staffer or alumnus who has received the annual email invitation.  Please note that our listserve is like the Hotel California - you may have checked out, but you can never leave HT (so please stop sending your futile unsubscribe requests - it's not like you can un-friend Hockeytime™).

 
It sounds vaguely interesting, but I've never [seen snow/been ice skating/chucked a puck] and I don't want to make a fool of myself at the game - how can I learn more about hockey before the big event?
Well, as luck would have it, your devoted HTPC is constantly developing new materials to help you expand your horizons in heretofore unfathomable directions.  See the FAQs and HT Dictionary that follow, and check back in the next few days for a new post devoted entirely to HTPC's exclusive HOCKEYTIME™ Movie Picks.

Why travel so far out of the city limits just to see a bunch of guys poking each other with those L-shaped sticks? 
Because hockey fans are insane, and also because we want to hang out with the cowbell crowd (yes, hockey fans bring cowbells to the game and ring them all night long. Sometimes they bring fish or squid and throw them on the ice.  We don't know why). 

 
Is Mitch really a former NHL goalie?
Yep - prior to entering law school, he played for Maine's Roque Bluffs Bluffers, and currently plays for a community league in Seattle in his spare time.

 
Isn't hockey just a thinly-veiled excuse for a fist-fight?  What redeeming qualities does it offer? Won't my children be traumatized if they witness such behavior?
Well, like everything in the universe, hockey has both a light side and a dark side: on the one hand, it is the notoriously peace-loving Canadians' national past time, it has been a featured topic of at least 188 articles and 18 covers of the New Yorker since 1927 (what say you to to that, NPR listeners?), and it is a sport that requires teamwork, speed and agility.

 
The classic film Slapshot gave us this timeless haiku:
you go to the box, 
you know, feel shame, two minutes,
and den you get free
Denis Lemieux, Slap Shot

 
Hockey has been an official Olympic event since 1920, where it debuted in the Summer Games in Antwerp (it's true). 

 
Furthermore, hockey is a great family activity (see this heartwarming example of hockey-inspired family bonding), and has inspired more than one Eagle Scout badge project over the years. And when you can't get to the stadium for a live game, there's always this home version suitable for indoor playing!

 
Also, don't forget that moms everywhere love hockey, and they turned out in droves to help elect our first black president, Barak Obama - who was delighted to receive a hockey stick at a campaign stop in North Dakota and apparently plays for a minor league hockey team in Cleveland - you just can't get more wholesome than that....

 
While some might believe that hockey encourages the politics of division with its infamous reputation for fighting, in fact it may just be the answer for those of you who are fed up with Red State/Blue State politics as usual but who aren't really drawn to the ravings of the Tea Party.

 
On the other hand, fights do break out from time to time, and Senator John Kerry unsuccessfully tried to use his hockey playing as a campaign tool in his run for president...Not pretty.  
Warren Zevon wrote this classic song about the darker side of hockey, he called it Hit Somebody.

HOW CAN I MASTER A WHOLE NEW VOCABULARY IN ADVANCE OF THE BIG EVENT? 

Why, study the following list for starters:

**Zamboni: (yes, this list starts at the end of the alphabet, but this is the most-important word in hockey, in the humble opinion of the HTPC)
the brand of machine used to clean the ice. Looks like a riding mower, but way more fun.
** here's an entire zamboni song, written and performed by the Gear Daddies, and used as a wake-up call for NASA space crews (no kidding!!!):  
http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/gallery/audio/shuttle/sts-116/mp3/fd11.mp3 
Butterfly save: When a goalie extends both legs in opposite directions in order to stop a shot it is known as a butterfly save. Usually followed by a butterfly kisses from the team.
Cherry Picker:  A player who stays at center ice and does not help their team on defense.  They hope to pick up a break out pass with no defenders in their way.  
Crease:  The semi-circular area in front of the goal is the goaltender’s crease. A goal cannot be scored when an offensive player is in the crease. If an offensive player skates through the crease play will be stopped. The semi-circular area in front of the official scorekeepers box is the referee’s crease. No player may enter the referee’s crease when the referee is assessing a penalty and reporting it to the scorekeeper.
Cycling: Cycling is an offensive strategy used to keep control of the puck by keeping it close the boards. Offensive players make short passes to each other along the boards until they see an opening to pass to a teammate who is moving into the slot for a shot. We use this a lot during Ride in the Rain.
Dasher:  The lower portion of the  boards that encircle the hockey rink.  Sometimes the dasher is different color than the boards. 
Dive:  A player exaggerates being hooked or tripped to draw a penalty on the opposing team. (Mario LeMieux was a genius at this)
Goon:  (see Philadelphia Flyers for multiple examples) A player who may lack finesse but specializes in hard hitting checks to interfere with the other team.  Even no-check hockey sometimes attracts goons.  If there are lot of them in your league we recommend you find another league.
Grinding:  When a puck is shot into a corner of the rink and two opposing players attempt to gain position, grinding may occur.  The players may have close body contact and attempt to gain control by kicking the puck or using their stick with one hand.  This activity may take some time with a lots of hands and legs flying - hence the term grinding. 
Hash marks: Hash marks are small lines, which are perpendicular to the edge of the face off circles. Players cannot encroach on the hash mark areas during face-offs.
Headman the puck:  (I think this is actually a band name) When a player passes to a teammate that is ahead of them on the attack this is headmanning the puck.  It also works if you are a woman player - we just don't know what it is called!
Hockey tree:   (do you think pucks just grow on trees?) A hockey tree is constructed of wood, has a number of arms and is approximately 5 feet tall. Is used to dry a player’s equipment after playing.  Check out our instructions on building a hockey tree by following this link.
Hot Dog: A player (like Mitch) who is good and frequently shows off to let people know it. 
Octopus: Detroit Red Wing fans have a tradition of throwing an octopus on the ice during playoffs, to encourage their team to win eight more games (in two best-of-seven series). 
Poke check: A poke check is used to knock the puck away from the puck carrier.  It is normally used by defenders against attacking players.  The poke check is accomplished by moving the stick quickly on the ice to "poke" it off the attacker’s stick
Soft Hands:  A player who can catch a pass easily and handle the puck with an easy style is sometimes to said to have "soft hands." (see Paul Newman in Slapshot)
Swizzles: Swizzles are a skating maneuver in which the skates are moved simultaneously together and apart.  Swizzles can be performed both backwards and forwards. (better than red vines)
 

Alrighty - signing off for now. This will all be on the test, so you'd better study.
 

Your devoted HTPC -
MP, CW, BG, ENC, DB

HOCKEYTIME™ FILM PICKS - REDUX

HTPC offers its annotated filmography once again, summarizing some of the amazingly informative and entertaining films the HOCKEYTIME™ Movie Night (HTMN) Curators have screened over the past few years. If you want to skip the hard work of reading the actual books, just rent these movies and you're sure to ace the final exam:

Way of the Puck (tagline: A documentary film about professional air hockey. Really.)
Plot summary: What’s it like to be a champion of a sport hardly anyone has heard of? “Way of the Puck,” a documentary by Tacoma-born filmmaker Eric D. Anderson, follows four air hockey players as they battle each other for world supremacy -- and battle the world to save their beloved sport from extinction.
viewer reactions:  
"Aristotle, Plato, Bodhisattva...a true religious experience!"
"puck-thetic..."  
"World supremacy?"

Mighty Ducks (tagline: They can't skate. They can't win. They can't be serious.) 

viewer reactions:   

"An adrenaline-drenched blast of quack-tacular fun!  Every moment is magic!"
"quack.  Quack.  QUack.  QUAck.  QUACk.  QUACK.  QUACKQUACKQUACKQUACKQUACK!!!!!"
"No, I'm NOT crying!  I just...have something in my eye...."

D2: Mighty Ducks (tagline: The Puck Stops Here)

viewer reactions:

"Listen to how they snore...Just like Chris E!"
"It's knucklepuck time!"
"Hey Goldberg! I bet if that puck was a cheeseburger you'd stop it!!"
"I don't want to spend the rest of my life watching hockey movies in this rinkydink town..."

Miracle  (tagline: What America needed was a miracle. What it got was a hockey game)

viewer reactions:
"So good that I wanted to watch the movie again.  [Whistle.]  And again.  [Whistle.]  And again.  [Whistle.]  And again...."
"I'm Mitch P, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, and I play for the United States of America!"
"I had no idea that hockey players were such wholesome young men...."

HTPC says: Even though it's been 27 years since the US Olympic Hockey team delivered the Miracle that America was in such desperate need of, seeing Kurt Russell and the rest of the cast re-create every. single. minute. of the entire. seven. months. of training. and. preparation that led to the gold medal brought it back to us as if it were just yesterday...We were nearly all in tears.

Mystery, Alaska (tagline: A Small Town on the Outskirts of Greatness)

viewer reactions:

"I went in thinking I was just going to get Burt Reynolds, and got a surprise bonus of Burt Reynolds mindmelding with Sean Connery & Sherlock Holmes! OSCAR! OSCAR!!"
"An eloquent look at the effervescent language of a small town Saturday hockey-league club room."
"Educational?!  Bring the kids to this movie series and they'll be able to cuss like a fisherman, #$%! like a *&@@#, and share all sorts of new things with their classmates (phrases like 'what the puck?' and the real reason not to high stick a guy you like...) - I don't think this stuff will turn up on the WASL." 

Slapshot (tagline: SlapShot outslaps... outswears... outlaughs...) 

viewer reactions:

"&#($!*F&%#^&#!!"

"why, you oughta !@#*&%#!$#"

"Paul Newman is dreamy..."

"Emma - earmuffs!"

Sudden Death (tagline: They said Game 7 would be a war. They didn't know the 1/2 of it) 

viewer reactions: 

"All I know is if we don't get this global warming fixed, we're gonna feel the effects like a stick upside the head'll knock your front teeth out. These penguins are mad they're comin' after US! Beaks bared, spatulas and steak knives at the ready. 'Sudden Death' is the most eye-opening, dammedest movie I ever saw"
"Buy Sam a drink, and get his dog one too..."
"OH MY GOD, he shot grandma!"
"PLEASE tell me there's a Sudden Death 2!!!"

Tooth Fairy (tagline: you can't handle the Tooth)

HTPC can do no better than The Stranger Slog's review of this one - we have nothing to add (other than to confirm that it does have a hockey theme):

Quick and skinny: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson commits fantasy murder by trying to tell a little girl that there is no tooth fairy, so the magical courts make him do two weeks of tooth fairy duty. If you like tooth wordplay, then boy is this the movie for you. They don't even have to make sense. (“I pledge allegiance to the tooth”) And shouldn't Johnson be acting? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson played Derek “Tooth Fairy” Thompson. Wow, dunno if I'll be able to suspend my belief for that one...

Youngblood (tagline: After selection for the Canadian Hamilton Mustangs, Dean Youngblood's future looks bright - even his landlady is hot.) 

viewer reactions:

"Thank God there is a sport for middle-sized white boys!"
"He's so pretty!"
"Heaver' was truly a breakout role for Keanu - this work clearly prepared him for inevitable stardom in such classics as Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure and Point Break". 

Goon (tagline: Meet Doug, The Nicest Guy You'll Ever Fight) This one is not for the faint of heart - teeth go flying, blood is spilled.  But there's a heartwarming love story threaded between the fights...

Additional gems:

Happy Gilmore (tagline: He doesn't play golf... he destroys it)

MVP (tagline: Jack skates a little faster... Shoots a little harder... And is driving everyone bananas.) 

The Rocket (tagline: the Gladiator of hockey movies)

HOCKEYTIME™ - a little background

HOCKEYTIME™ began when several East Coasters, having arrived in this far NW outpost with hockeysticks in hand, learned with dismay that our dear Cascadian friends knew less about hockey than they did about lacrosse or soccer! In 2004, they formed the Hockeytime Planning Committee (HTPC) as a grassroots organization devoted to education and outreach around the fascinating world of hockey and the joys of the ice.  

 
HOCKEYTIME™ is now in its 9th extraordinary year, and our influence has grown exponentially...HTPC generally is reluctant to blow its own horn, but how do you think the recent breakthrough for Seattle's NHL future really came about?  Yep, that's right...

Be sure to browse through older posts, and check back for news you can use in advance of the big event.

as always, 

HTPC

Save the Date: HOCKEYTIME™ 2013

Clear your calendars!! 

The long-awaited date for CRPE's 9th Annual HOCKEYTIME™ Hullabaloo has been carefully selected by your devoted HOCKEYTIME™ Planning Committee (HTPC) using rigorous screening criteria designed to achieve optimal attendance. 

For now, the bare essentials:

1) VENUE: Everett Events Center  Yes, it's far to the north...But rest assured, Everett is seriously the next 'It' city - you heard it here first.

2) DATE/TIME: Saturday March 2nd,  7:05 pm.  Everett Silvertips vs. Portland Winterhawks

3) PRE-GAME GATHERING SPOTS:  Brooklyn Bros. Pizza is a great place for food/beer (kid-friendly, HTPC approved), and HTPC will wander over to 1805 Tailgator for a pre-game drink if time allows

4) WHAT??: Some of you may have no idea what this is about, clear your calendars nevertheless! All will become clear soon enough...(if you can't wait for more details, this nascent/long-neglected blog might provide some clues)

Until then, love and slapshots from your HTPC -

MP, Chair and Legal Counsel

CW, Co-Chair and Speaker

BG, Sr. Advisor

ENC, Film Series Curator

DB, Public Relations/Media