A Brief HOCKEYTIME™ Primer

HOCKEYTIME™ began when several East Coasters, having arrived in this far NW outpost with hockeysticks in hand, learned with dismay that our dear Cascadian friends knew less about hockey than they did about lacrosse or soccer! In 2004, they formed the Hockeytime Planning Committee (HTPC) as a grassroots organization devoted to education and outreach around the fascinating world of hockey and the joys of the ice.  
 
HOCKEYTIME™ is now in its 7th amazing year! Even in this tough economy, our numbers continue to grow, defying all predictions and expectations - we've hit the 50-person attendance mark and hope to exceed it this year - with your help, we believe we can.
 
You are likely visiting this blog by virtue of being a current, former, or potential CRPE staffer, or a mate or ex or friend or relative of a CRPE staffer or alumnus who has received the annual email invitation.  Please note that our listserve is like the Hotel California - you may have checked out, but you can never leave HT (so please stop sending your futile unsubscribe requests - it's not like you can un-friend Hockeytime™).
 
It sounds vaguely interesting, but I've never [seen snow/been ice skating/chucked a puck] and I don't want to make a fool of myself at the game - how can I learn more about hockey before the big event?
Well, as luck would have it, your devoted HTPC is constantly developing new materials to help you expand your horizons in heretofore unfathomable directions.  See the FAQs and HT Dictionary that follow, and check back in the next few days for a new post devoted entirely to HTPC's exclusive HOCKEYTIME™ Movie Picks.

Why travel so far out of the city limits just to see a bunch of guys poking each other with those L-shaped sticks?
Because hockey fans are insane, and also because we want to hang out with the cowbell crowd (yes, hockey fans bring cowbells to the game and ring them all night long. Sometimes they bring fish or squid and throw them on the ice.  We don't know why). 
 
Is Mitch really a former NHL goalie?
Yep - prior to entering law school, he played for Maine's Roque Bluffs Bluffers, and currently plays for a community league in Seattle in his spare time.
 
Isn't hockey just a thinly-veiled excuse for a fist-fight?  What redeeming qualities does it offer? Won't my children be traumatized if they witness such behavior?
Well, like everything in the universe, hockey has both a light side and a dark side: on the one hand, it is the notoriously peace-loving Canadians' national past time, it has been a featured topic of at least 188 articles and 18 covers of the New Yorker since 1927 (what say you to to that, NPR listeners?), and it is a sport that requires teamwork, speed and agility.
 
The classic film Slapshot gave us this timeless haiku:
you go to the box,
you know, feel shame, two minutes,
and den you get free
Denis Lemieux, Slap Shot
 
Hockey has been an official Olympic event since 1920, where it debuted in the Summer Games in Antwerp (it's true). 
 
Furthermore, hockey is a great family activity (see this heartwarming example of hockey-inspired family bonding), and has inspired more than one Eagle Scout badge project over the years. And when you can't get to the stadium for a live game, there's always this home version suitable for indoor playing!
 
Also, don't forget that moms everywhere love hockey, and they turned out in droves to help elect our first black president, Barak Obama - who was delighted to receive a hockey stick at a campaign stop in North Dakota and apparently plays for a minor league hockey team in Cleveland - you just can't get more wholesome than that....
 
While some might believe that hockey encourages the politics of division with its infamous reputation for fighting, in fact it may just be the answer for those of you who are fed up with Red State/Blue State politics as usual but who aren't really drawn to the ravings of the Tea Party.
 
On the other hand, fights do break out from time to time, and Senator John Kerry unsuccessfully tried to use his hockey playing as a campaign tool in his run for president...Not pretty. 
Warren Zevon wrote this classic song about the darker side of hockey, he called it Hit Somebody.

HOW CAN I MASTER A WHOLE NEW VOCABULARY IN ADVANCE OF THE BIG EVENT? 
Why, study the following list for starters:

**Zamboni: (yes, this list starts at the end of the alphabet, but this is the most-important word in hockey, in the humble opinion of the HTPC)
the brand of machine used to clean the ice. Looks like a riding mower, but way more fun.
** here's an entire zamboni song, written and performed by the Gear Daddies, and used as a wake-up call for NASA space crews (no kidding!!!): 
http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/gallery/audio/shuttle/sts-116/mp3/fd11.mp3
Butterfly save: When a goalie extends both legs in opposite directions in order to stop a shot it is known as a butterfly save. Usually followed by a butterfly kisses from the team.
Cherry Picker:  A player who stays at center ice and does not help their team on defense.  They hope to pick up a break out pass with no defenders in their way. 
Crease:  The semi-circular area in front of the goal is the goaltender’s crease. A goal cannot be scored when an offensive player is in the crease. If an offensive player skates through the crease play will be stopped. The semi-circular area in front of the official scorekeepers box is the referee’s crease. No player may enter the referee’s crease when the referee is assessing a penalty and reporting it to the scorekeeper.
Cycling: Cycling is an offensive strategy used to keep control of the puck by keeping it close the boards. Offensive players make short passes to each other along the boards until they see an opening to pass to a teammate who is moving into the slot for a shot. We use this a lot during Ride in the Rain.
Dasher:  The lower portion of the  boards that encircle the hockey rink.  Sometimes the dasher is different color than the boards.
Dive:  A player exaggerates being hooked or tripped to draw a penalty on the opposing team. (Mario LeMieux was a genius at this)
Goon:  (see Philadelphia Flyers for multiple examples) A player who may lack finesse but specializes in hard hitting checks to interfere with the other team.  Even no-check hockey sometimes attracts goons.  If there are lot of them in your league we recommend you find another league.
Grinding:  When a puck is shot into a corner of the rink and two opposing players attempt to gain position, grinding may occur.  The players may have close body contact and attempt to gain control by kicking the puck or using their stick with one hand.  This activity may take some time with a lots of hands and legs flying - hence the term grinding.
Hash marks: Hash marks are small lines, which are perpendicular to the edge of the face off circles. Players cannot encroach on the hash mark areas during face-offs.
Headman the puck:  (I think this is actually a band name) When a player passes to a teammate that is ahead of them on the attack this is headmanning the puck.  It also works if you are a woman player - we just don't know what it is called!
Hockey tree:   (do you think pucks just grow on trees?) A hockey tree is constructed of wood, has a number of arms and is approximately 5 feet tall. Is used to dry a player’s equipment after playing.  Check out our instructions on building a hockey tree by following this link.
Hot Dog: A player (like Mitch) who is good and frequently shows off to let people know it.
Octopus: Detroit Red Wing fans have a tradition of throwing an octopus on the ice during playoffs, to encourage their team to win eight more games (in two best-of-seven series).
Poke check: A poke check is used to knock the puck away from the puck carrier.  It is normally used by defenders against attacking players.  The poke check is accomplished by moving the stick quickly on the ice to "poke" it off the attacker’s stick
Soft Hands:  A player who can catch a pass easily and handle the puck with an easy style is sometimes to said to have "soft hands." (see Paul Newman in Slapshot)
Swizzles: Swizzles are a skating maneuver in which the skates are moved simultaneously together and apart.  Swizzles can be performed both backwards and forwards. (better than red vines)
 
Alrighty - signing off for now. This will all be on the test, so you'd better study.
 
Your devoted HTPC -
MP, CW, CS, & BG